Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy
I found some of the old "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy" that use to appear on Saturday Night Live. I hope you enjoy them.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don'tjust go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his headout when you're coming home his face might burn up.
Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could really use used ice picks.
If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.
A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don'tjust go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his headout when you're coming home his face might burn up.
Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could really use used ice picks.
If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.
A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.
Ok, you SERIOUSLY have way too much time on your hands!!!!
Posted by
JL |
3:04 PM
ok baby! it's called copy & paste...very quick HA
Posted by
TOM |
4:35 PM
Too funny! I love Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy! Hilarious!
Posted by
Tracey |
8:47 PM